The Orchestra

A director asks an orchestral member a question he already knows the answer to: “now tell me we're you rushing OR DRAGGING!”

He knows this answer, but only by his virtue of his job, he is has the job of music judge. He is comparing, and thereby judging the members' recital of their dexterous memorization; read: song.

This quip illustrates the operation of the director in action:

“I was in a very accomplished symphonic band in high school. We got yelled at. A lot. But when the director stopped yelling, it usually meant something profound was coming out. He said that we needed to practice our music until we got it right. Once we got it right, we needed to practice doing it right until right was the only way we were capable of doing it.” - Dracofaerie2

and further:

“Amateurs practice until they get it right. Professionals practice until they don't get it wrong.” - registraciya

The music judge is comparing the individual recital to the collective recital, and further to the director's perfect recital - which exists only in the expectation part of one's brain. 

Don't fall into the trap of creating your own inner judge to spin comparison's of your life's achievements against perfection.

Your Name Here

In response to my friend's post about the fragile and nigh-broken world that expectant parents are bringing their children into:

One idea:

It comes down to understanding, personally setting, and performing personal kaizen (continuous improvement) on your “trigger” state. We can all take lessons from the serenity prayer, summarized here:

change the things we can, 

let go the things we can't, 

and the wisdom to know the difference

Though there is less violence in the world than there has ever been (citation needed), our access to the (any amount of) violent minority is greater, and magnified by the lens of global media. Violent minority are what sells because it can triggers so many people's overly-low trigger state (read: fight or flight mechanism). Weathered by this phenomenon one's everyday lives can be affected by the fear. 

Even politically the vocal minority stand out. This affects the political system itself which forces it into the minds of those with vulnerably leveled trigger points, digging further and further until all but the fortified few are driven mad.

Literally setting one's trigger state for a definable future event is a necessity in self-care these days. Unless one's trigger state involves less than daily or (at least) weekly time/kaizen dedication then one may be in for a rough, emotional, anxiatic life. If you experience time-consuming thoughts - and perform no followup action directed to your trigger - then they are wasted. 

If you are physically engaged in something, that should be your mind's focus, never another. You may have too much free time on your hands if you are worried without physical engagement. You may need a hobby.

Here's a meditation; 

consider the circles of influence you have; expanding from a literal radius centered on your heart; 

First

1 square foot: 

you have ultimate control over your body, and your reactions to external stimuli are your personal responsibility.

Second

2,000 square feet (the room/house you occupy [family]): 

You have reasonable control of the items, organization, and culture – and you have a certain amount of influence over the people in that shared room. Your destinies are intimately connected for good or ill. You can determine economic class reasonably accurately by zipcode - you are in that class.

The building you occupy in which you trade your labor for money: 

These people will likely have similar power balance compared to yourself and therefore semi-similar goals. These people will experience cascading perils if another is subject to them, therefore they may also receive positive feedback by helping an adjacent other.

Your destinies are very connected during a catastrophe, sometimes connected for a boon. 

Third

1,000 square feet (the community within a short walk of you): 

These people will likely have similar power balance compared to yourself and therefore semi-similar goals. These people are worth protecting for these reasons and because you would want them to have your back - community cooperation and action should not be impossible. 

Your destinies are somewhat connected dependent on the level and reach of catastrophe, extremely rarely connected for a boon. 

Fifth 

50,000 square feet (those within a short drive of you): The vast overwhelming majority of these people are strangers to you and you are only connected by randomness. Your destinies are only connected for vast catastrophe and never for a boon.

sixth the Earth, The vast overwhelming majority of these people will never be within driving distance, much less occupy the same room as you. 

Your destinies are somewhat connected dependent on the level and reach of catastrophe, and extremely rarely for a boon.

---

Exceptions on the fourth, fifth, and sixth circle of influence are made for family or corporatism, which can override destiny level. Family, for this reason, wherever they may be, can be considered always (at least in spirit) in the second circle. 

They are family if you would prioritize, and to a greater extent, plan to be in the same room with them.

One should strongly reconsider any mental energy granted to anyone you don't see in a room - this is a finite mental resource.

---

This is not to excuse one's responsibility to the global community, and you are wrong if you are taking this piece in that way. But you can't take care of anyone else if you can't take care of yourself first. Realign first your responsibility to yourself and when you have built up your drive beyond your own envelope, then you can consider improving the destinies of the 2^nd and 3^rd tier of your circle of influence. Consider spending the first reserves of your mental energy and time-reserves first on oneself to shore up your own quality, value, stability, and sanity.

Healthy triggers may include; death, disease, starvation, mental breakdown, bankruptcy, famine, etc. These all are appropriate and low hanging fruit, depending on one's personal circumstance.

Healthy reactions may include; talking to literally almost anyone about it in your current room (or failing that finding a room with someone in it to listen to you, ie. a counselor), attending public meetings regarding the issue, getting politically active, etc.

Unhealthy triggers may include;
(citation needed)

Unhealthy reactions may include;

(citation needed)

In conclusion, take care of yourself, Ross

Life is the choice for second chances or no second chances for a do-over of you - yesterday.

Are you going to make today any different? Different is unknown, and the unknown is scary. A known punishing characteristic or assumed characteristic is less scary to one than the foreign unknown. 

Are you going to make today any different? Different is unknown, and the unknown is scary. A known punishing characteristic or assumed characteristic is less scary to one than the foreign unknown. 

This influences your every day decision making:

If you soul search and decide if the punishing characteristics of your current routine are overwhelming then you are faced with the choice to say "no more second chances."

If life is a comedy, and in comedy we use the phrase “yes, and” then we are also encouraged by that undercurrent. And anyone whose ever laughed at a joke is included in that definition – this means you too, Dennis. (I don't know a Dennis)

However if we are both aware of the painful known characteristics but also are unable to make ideal changes then we may be faced with an episode of depression and/or anxiety. We may be ourselves unable, or unable to get to the “core ideal” which is only attainable in our minds. Reality can get and does get in the way of this ideal and veils it from our true understanding. 

Ideals and characteristics of our lives are also heavily influenced by our selfish ideals but also our collective (and therefore impossible to define) goals. Collective goals can be extremely difficult to attain if they are not socially or economically definable, realistic, and lucrative. 

To that end, maybe one selfish mitigation measure is get an idol to aspire to, or otherwise find your inspiration ~ though idols and people are defined by action, so it may be easier to improve your behavior by mirroring another.

Moreover, life is an unknown - figure out how define it for yourself

I have a weird relationship with language

Why? Because. Are you familiar with the concept of bias? Of the bias inherent in speech and language. 

Every word you use to express yourself is in the dictionary. Very few people have ever read the dictionary, much less look up definitions occasionally. And this is not about them anyway. 

More aptly, most people learn words from other people and context. So the words they learn and then use are from characters (read: primary influencers; parents, teachers, progenitor,  best friends, heroes, enemies, and especially abusers) which one can emulate or not. But whose character is built into the use of the word. History, context, and experience build layers into each word. 

So individuals communicating together depend on accurate, true, meaningful, impactful, heartfelt, and devastating word choice. And one can only trust that their partner can see through and overcome the veil of both people's bias to find true mutual understanding. 

Tearing apart the veil and bias takes effort - which many don't have or have given up on.

Now multiply this concept for the speaker and listener by every word they use in every terse or verbose interaction. 

Now dissect it in real time. 

Freedom from Assimilation

The Current State

Everyone is raised to emulate. As children we copy words and actions, as teenagers we copy ideas and personalities. At first you copy to survive, later you copy to be accepted.

Even consider what "accepted" here means. Teenagers copy to be accepted, which is to avoid being ostracized. Animals ostracized from their group-cultures often means death - perhaps to young adults subconsciously it means the same thing.

The Transition

Taking into consideration that well adjusted adults do not emulate and children do emulate, realize that there is a transition somewhere. At some point, consciously or not, people realize they have all the tools to survive and no longer need to emulate (or at least significantly less).

Though figuring this out is an almost existential discovery, no one ever says that's what part of being adult is.

The Problem

Some people don't learn to stop emulating. They do not overcome the deep-rooted idea that emulation = survival. And while true and necessary at first-life, your ability to be an adult stuck with this idea is hindered.

Consider, that instead of struggling through life-problems and overcoming them through self discovery one may look for answers in how others overcame their obstacles, and while people do survive this way, learning and evolution does not occur. And when eventually a unique obstacle emerges where there is nothing to emulate, those without previously learned survival skills can fail.

Often, the most broken people are stuck in assimilation cycles. 

The Solution

Realizing life has no rule book or plan for you allows you to stop emulating and take the reigns to shape your life.

This distinction is profound.
Some helpful questions in determining assimilative behavior:
Are you a leader?
Do you fit into a common archetype or "group" of people?
Can you make a lot of broad definitional statements about yourself?
Do you enjoy approval?
Do you have a lot of contrary ideas to those around you?

People Don't Mean What They Say

This is not meant in a manipulative sense - it means people want to impart their deep understanding of some things but are forced into the construct of short conversation and language.

Though you want to try to deliver your knowledge/feelings/understanding to another person, rarely can you conjure a perfect few sentences to encapsulate all that you mean. And if those words did exist, it can hardly come up during everyday conversation - you simply don't have enough time to put thought into your words, you just have to spit out whatever is closest in your mind. 

Take this into mind during your conversations. Realize your conversation partner's frustration with complicated subjects. Try and extrapolate their thinking, and don't be passive. It's very discouraging to have to do all the work in a conversation without helpful probing questions. 

This becomes especially important if something is said that pushes barriers or buttons - try and understand how that statement makes sense instead of recoiling defensively. (Though take this statement only with your closer relationships, as people saying offensive things early in relationships have their own complications)

I am a World Before I am a Man

The world is building toward a collective society, a world society. As history shows, interconnectivity grows over time. With the invention of the internet, we are now able to share live information across many channels on a nigh-instantaneous level. As these connections improve, miscommunications (which are at the root of many societal problems) diminish. This leads to a slow, but steady movement toward a world society. 

Selfish actions become diluted and discouraged as the world evolves. If you disagree with this, you imply that selfish actions are indeed needed. To continue this thought, you would logically imply that the human race/genome would profit from selfish actions (what else could you argue?). I disagree and argue that the time for community action is now.

This is not just an informational piece telling that generally people are more worldly, but a call to consciously shift the decisions you personally make to favor the worldly whole, as opposed to selfish gains. Wholly selfish decisions only create hardship and strife for those around you, while incorporating your community's health into your decisions helps yourself and everyone around you. 

You are a world before you are a man. Now act on that knowledge.

Influential Social Motion

We all are in movement physically and more importantly, socially. Our actions (and whether they are purposeful or not) all influence those around us. And just as a normal item in motion pushes and degrades other items around it passively, so do our actions do to those around us.

The key note is that both ambient and passive actions push people away. So even as you act passively towards those in your life, you push them away. The only way to combat this is with purposeful actions that draw those you want with you closer. Inviting people to events, calling them, engaging their values.

You push away those you do not actively pull in simply due to the nature of influential social motion. Remember this and keep who you want, and realize those whom you assume will always be there due to sheer historic momentum, will slip away.

"Everything Will Work Out How it Should"

Why does anyone say this phrase? What does it really mean?

Assigning order to future events gives us comfort, even if these future events are inherently unknown.

Order and predictability allow us to build and test models in the real/current world. The known eases people.

Fear is rooted in the unknown. But if we convince ourselves that the future is taken care of, it turns the ephemeral to the quantified.

This phrase doesn't even guarantee overall positive outcomes is the interesting part - but we can still draw comfort from it. Even if the future is meant to be dark, the idea of it being understood is just as important.

Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan". - Batman's Joker

Does being told that "everything will work out how it should" change anything? Does it allow us to release our anxieties and go with the flow? Does it make us passive and accept the fate lined up for us? Maybe its a bad thing to tell ourselves these things in some situations. You have to take care when telling someone this - because inherently you are telling them to just let things happen. If you would rather advise or experience change, do not tell yourself or others this.

This phrase also plays into the idea of the Metanarrative: a narrative about narratives of historical meaning, experience or knowledge, which offers a society legitimation through the anticipated completion of a (as yet unrealised) master idea.

People prefer to be a character in a story, no matter that character's circumstances, rather than to be an unknown with an unwritten (though potentially brighter) future.

Self-Awareness - A Look into Personal Change Management and Anxiety

What is the thinking behind awareness in everyday decision making?

First the definition of "awareness" and "want to change" that I will be operating on:
Awareness: conscious and mindful of situation or fact.
Note: When I speak negatively about awareness, note that it is always in the light of "hyper" awareness or "excessively" aware.

Again, operating on the definition of "want to change" is not a bad thing - it means you are comfortable with the way things are.

We must decide on a framework for how to view self-awareness so that it is not viewed in a vacuum and so that relations can be drawn to create the idea. That framework here is choice.

For this idea, what it first boils down to is personal judgments of choices made. Are you choosing right or wrong? However ultimately this doesn't matter too much and we must delve deeper. Within the context of self-awareness, negative decisions may be necessary (stealing food to feed the family, etc.)

It comes down to the want to change.

Here is a quick (expertly drawn) graph showing Self-Awareness vs the Want to Change:

Let us take a deeper look at each of these facets.

First, High Want to Change - Low Self Awareness
This isn't the most important quadrant and its analysis is mostly useful in comparison to the other quandrants. Now that I consider it holistically it may even be better renamed to "stupid" to put it harshly.. or someone help me with something politically correct. Basically with a high want to change but low self awareness one would end up very confused - knowing they are acting in a not ideal way, but unable to have the clarity to see how their actions play into the greater life.

People in this position would often be criminals, as high want to change is indicative of wrongdoing, but low self awareness would make them incapable of understanding how to escape their situation or change their mindset.  

Second, High Want to Change - High Self Awareness
People in this section would not spend over a few weeks, months, or years in it. With high will to change and a mindset that allows them to see all aspects, the situation would change quickly. There is not much to say here as the double positive's benefits are self-evident.

Third, Low Want to Change - High Self Awareness
Again, operating on the definition of "want to change" is not a bad thing - it means you are comfortable with the way things are. High Self Awareness however is bad in combination with it though. Without want or ability to change, but being overly conscious of all actions is anxiety. For those suffering from anxiety, perhaps one way to attempt to address it is by realizing these two facts within anxiety.

People in this situation are very common. Caged in the circles of thought and unable to escape it but through sleep.

Lastly, and most notably, Low Want to Change - Low Self Awareness
Though it might seem not in the best interest of an individual, it is actually very satisfactory. Low Want to Change means you are content with your life as is, which can be a very good thing. Low Self Awareness pairs well with this as you don't need to be hyper critical of every decision or thought you have, which would just lead to anxiety.

Key also to this position is the ability to move in a diagonal direction (relative to the graph above). Moving into a position where you do have a Want to Change would mean that you should move into a mindset of raised Self Awareness so that your change is swift, and efficiently executed.

People resting in this position are probably the happiest and most satisfied of any classification. Though it may seem like the upper righthand portion would encompass those improving their lives, that is not necessarily true and I would want everyone to take away the benefits of both the upper right portion and lower left portion - especially the lower left as I believe society overlooks peaceful happy people.

Closing notes:
Looking back maybe I should have placed the "Ideal" tab right on the Y axis in the middle. I didn't mean to imply that zero Self Awareness should be good, as you should always be mindful of your actions. Zero or absolute minimal Self Awareness would mean a zombie-like state which I wouldn't recommend.

Just being aware of your position can help you understand your circumstances and where you want your mindset to be in the future.